Peel My Gripping Fingers Away

by Cris Gladly on January 10, 2014

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So this is it.

My last day in Sydney.

I blinked … and the trip went by that quickly.

I didn’t know what photo to attach with this post
b/c I couldn’t find a single image that “feels right” right now.
Too many emotions for one image, perhaps.

We spent the day yesterday waking up slow.

Then headed to Bondi Beach
where it was entirely too cold and blustery to go in the water,
but we sat perched atop the rocks for a long while
and tried to stay a few breaths ahead of time,
which we both felt ticking down all around us.

Easy dinner at home.

And then …
{Do Not Disturb.}

Today, breakfast at our favorite spot.
Followed by an afternoon spent in the garden, on a blanket, drawing in the sun.

And tonight, our last date night of the trip.
I love getting dressed up and going out in the city with him.
So, one last night of that.

A suitcase will get packed in there somewhere, I suppose.

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I have so much in my heart that I want to say,
but everything feels so precious now.

Every minute that remains
feels like it matters so much and needs my absolute attention.
So, I’m going to disappear into the time I have left.
I need to savor the seconds.

I can’t think about the ‘goodbye’ or I start crying.
In those moments, I have to just starting whispering to myself:
Emerson, Emerson, Emerson, Emerson.
She is the only thing in the Universe bigger right now
than the overwhelming feeling I have in my soul that: I want to stay. Here. With him!

I have been happier these last two weeks
than I have ever been in my whole, entire life.

When you’ve gone that long without a feeling like this,
it can render you a bit helpless when it touches you.

My heart feels like a naked thing.

I know I’ll get on that plane tomorrow.
But, I don’t want to.

What I want is this.

Where I am.
What I have.

But I know there is more coming:
for us … for me … and for Em.
And I have to go back home to get ready for it all.

If I was meant to stay now, I would be.
And that isn’t what is on the table for us.
So, I’m going to hold the 24 hours I have left close close close.

I mean no disrespect to my life in Orlando when I say that I want to stay here.
It’s just that I’m so entirely happy here.
My heart is just so, sooooo beautifully, preciously happy.

24 hours.

xo! ~ cg

See my Sydney trip photos on Instagram

Note: This post originally appeared on Facebook

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