Want to know when it’s awesome to have a blog?
When you are scared and uncertain
and searching outside yourself for answers,
and as a result, both your words and your soul
just keep pouring out of you.
Then it isn’t easy, per se,
but at least when you sit down to write, words come.
Onto the page.
Lovingly edited yet minimally filtered.
Want to know when it’s not so awesome to have a blog?
When something in you suddenly shifts.
When after months and months (and months) of trying to get somewhere
you suddenly (finally) turn a corner.
And all at once,
the soul in you that wanted to share everything
no longer wants to share anything.
And the spirit that sought council and guidance from others
suddenly wants to be left alone
to figure things out for herself.
And when that shift comes
the way you were is just … gone.
And the way you are now … just is.
And it takes your words awhile to catch up
and figure out: what the f*ck just happened?
And so months go by,
and you write absolutely nothing.
And more months go by,
and you discover the delicious pleasure of having secrets
so you stop telling people about yourself.
And more months go by,
and you go from being the most open book alive
to the girl that no one knows a thing about.
And in that time, when your words just … stop,
you take a break and simply live life for awhile.
And as you do, your beloved blog grows cobwebs.
It has been 7 months
since I’ve written here in my green sky.
In the time that I’ve been away,
Life has been happening …
Good things, scary things — in equal measure.
But I just haven’t been able to talk about any of it.
Because my voice has been changing
and my perspective has been changing.
And I wasn’t sure how to navigate that shift publicly.
Because … I am a writer.
And putting words on paper is how I build bridges in the world:
between me and everything I love;
between me and everything I fear;
between me and everything I’m so earnestly trying to understand.
And hopefully, on days
when I’m particularly good at putting the words together,
my bridges become your bridges, as well.
So, returning to the page had to happen.
But how I return to the page needs to change.
Everything I wrote about before was inward and ethereal.
I talked about what I was going to do … without actually doing it.
I talked about how I wanted to live … without actually living it.
In a phrase: I mistook ‘not falling‘ for ‘flying’,
and the two are not even close to the same.
In that time when I felt so outside myself,
I was endlessly scrambling to find my way in.
And my writing was all about that.
Now that I’m in, solid and grounded,
my gaze has turned outward to look at the world around me again.
And what I see before me
happening in the world
has caused the words in me to rise up
and long to spill forth again.
I see amazing beauty and kindness that I want to lift up to the light.
And I see unspeakable suffering and cruelty that I want to smash my fist through.
For the longest time, I’ll admit, my words were a thing I hid behind,
but now, I am ready to stand squarely and firmly in front of them.
And so, it is good to be home again
here on my blog,
but I’m opening the doors and windows
and letting fresh breezes blow new air inside.
I’m rearranging the proverbial furniture.
This blog will, hopefully, still feel the same.
(open. honest. true.)
But it likely will not sound the same.
There is much to reflect on … AND take action on.
And so, from that vantage point, this blog once again begins.
Until now, I was only willing to put my words out here.
Now it’s time to truly share mySelf.
What I feel. What I think. What I believe.
And, what I stand for.
And so, with that, I herby launch the next chapter of Gladly Beyond.
I’m so very glad to have you along as part of the journey!!!
p.s. How about YOU?
Have you ever needed to power down completely in order to power back up and let new aspects of yourself shine? Leave me a comment below. I’d love to hear how you handled that.